dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Randomize
