I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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