You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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