Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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