Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
