Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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