dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
