She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
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I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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