Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
