he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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