i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
