considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
