Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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