he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
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