He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
This baby is an asshole
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
