i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
