she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
