I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
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There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
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ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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