Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
