I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I just want to make out with him forever
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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