They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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