Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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