News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I'm passing your future prison.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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