The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
It's shark week go big or go home
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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