I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
