I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
