How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
