she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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