You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
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