Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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