the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
