My cat gives me a boner
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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