So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
