I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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