I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
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just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
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I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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