i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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