I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
