Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
