She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
