literally had 100 drinks last night.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
