things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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