There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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