he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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