I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
