so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
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