small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
