You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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