and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
