I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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