separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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