two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
