Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize