yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
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