So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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