As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
