It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
