I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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