Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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