she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
dude i'm inner monologue high
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
barbara walters just said penis...
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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