I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
