I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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