youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
