remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
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Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
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third nipple confirmed
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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