I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
