How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
