and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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