I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
