My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
