my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
