Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Barsexuality is the new black.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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