I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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