So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
