i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
