Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
