sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize