you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
