why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
