my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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