Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
