I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
