I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
