some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Shame is for Republicans.
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