totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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