She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
The dick lei will go down in squad history
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
