this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
