i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
