Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
