Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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